Heart Growing

             Never felt alone cause I always have nature as my company love around me. Blue Sky🌎 always brighten up my day with the softness touch of the clouds. Wind 🌀 changing me and giving me awesome hug everyday without stop every wind gives different feelings. Sunshine 🌞 brightly showing me the view of nature full of beauty.  Rain ⛆ best lover I could ever ask for always at my side sadness or love giving chills. Moonlight 🌕🌑🌒🌓🌔🌙🌚🌛 shine it awesome light in the darkness of night with lots of love guiding me not to afraid of the dark, its shine always make me full goosebumps. Star 🌟🌠 shine bright always far or near fall or just passing by wonder of the world outside in the space. Animals 🐈🐀🐕🐜🐛🐠🐌🐦 visit my balcony everyday beautiful song there sing, bees busy collecting honey from flower give me joy to see nature at my door step, getting to talk to cats, dogs, butterfly, caterpillar, birds I got so many friends to talk to sa...

Loneliness to Alone  Transformation from loneliness need to face many these emotions: expectation, doubt, fear, anxiety, accepting, approval and wanting love from the outside.                    Being lonely it isn't fun ride but also need to face the real fact of life, I started self talk in my darkness days when I was going throw this loneliness face. Alone in the Room I made list of what I wanted to not feel this loneliness and from my answer of the list I always end with the word love. It got me curious why want love from others why cant I create love for myself with that question it got me thinking and I wanted answers read the books about Wild Love since it had the word love in it so the moment I started reading I couldn't stop cause it has all the answer I was looking for like: why people behave that way, why don't there understand me, why do I need to change myself, why do I have to sacrifice myself, why and why and why on a...

When my mind have expectation and my heart was the first that feel pain and lungs feel tight can't breath properly chest hurt can feel pressure around my front and back as if it's burning up cause I was suppressing my feeling not let it come out freely, not crying or talk about it to the person I wanted to say.  But the moment I talk to myself I realise the burden has lifted but the pain is still there, I want to scream let out all the pain, let go all of sorrow within and all the sadness. Nobody can heal me only me can do that I came to this earth alone and I have to go alone, so I need to face my sorrow, sadness and fear alone. Why should I expect from other when I can create those expectation of unlimited loving, understanding, caring, forgiveness and communicate within myself.  I can do This.

Being alone made me love myself and see the truth of the surroundings, like seeing with fresh mindset also still feel trap cause of the cycle of life, but feel at peace and loved when am connected within but the moment I had to come out of inner connection the surroundings keep wanting to trap me. Then desire and wants creep back in and if let my mind go autopilot I realise that my surroundings is making me sad again. 😥 I want out mean I want to have deeper connection within 🧘‍♀️🧘🧘‍♂️more then connected with outside of me.  If the outside is something that does control you demand from you in the end still feel being used and having no one then outcome of outside world makes my mindset confuse it becomes my enemy telling me to be bitter and not be like divine love. My nature has become of giving but if not charge my inner strength I lose hope within myself.