Loneliness to Alone Part 1

Loneliness to Alone 

Transformation from loneliness need to face many these emotions: expectation, doubt, fear, anxiety, accepting, approval and wanting love from the outside.

                   Being lonely it isn't fun ride but also need to face the real fact of life, I started self talk in my darkness days when I was going throw this loneliness face. Alone in the Room I made list of what I wanted to not feel this loneliness and from my answer of the list I always end with the word love. It got me curious why want love from others why cant I create love for myself with that question it got me thinking and I wanted answers read the books about Wild Love since it had the word love in it so the moment I started reading I couldn't stop cause it has all the answer I was looking for like: why people behave that way, why don't there understand me, why do I need to change myself, why do I have to sacrifice myself, why and why and why on and on all those question I got the answer to them in this book I have felt in love with it. My vision was clearer then before I started to understand the people around me with out them telling me there deepest thoughts, fear and anxiety. 

                   I pause to understand why many feel lonely it because we wanted love from outside of us but never really creating love within us. It got me thinking if a person wanted to be a doctor one had to learn and practice to become a good doctor. So why not about love we never learn what is love, how to love, how to create love and meaning of love. Love was use in many form like how this book explain in very easy English that our parents has been giving us condition Love meaning if we obey, listen, do as there say then we get love and approval. This Condition Love mean wanting to Control others in the name of Love.

                  After this it got me thinking deep, how I can create this Unconditional Love and it was a very good time I got pregnant I believe in universe will guide me at the right time. My heart was open to learn and I started to study the bible to fine the meaning of love but to my disappointment there was condition love in it as well. Then I started to change my mindset replacing the old belief system into something awesome and great. I detach myself from the child unborn in me using the bible as guidance making up new belief system of my own that the child it isn't mine but god gift to me to take care, teach, guide and let go. With that I practice this mindset everyday telling myself this and when he was born I gave him Unconditional Love cause he is new person who hasn't don't anything bad to me and I could give without any expectation as well. I didn't know then that he would also teach me how to give Unconditional Love to myself as well. Slowly I started to see the changes in me for the better. 

                Covid19 was a blessing in disguise I was once again in deep sadness of feeling lonely then with lots of crying in the darkness I had a brake throw, I wanted to be Independent of everything Love, Health, Money, Family and Friends. I started eliminate many old belief system once again but this time I was dam serious with myself within one month time I change my diet plan cause I was going throw health problem with lockdown no where to go had to Read Medical E-book with that I got positive result I lost 12Kg within one month time but I never stop the diet plan for one full year my weight didn't go down again it was stable then I start doing cardio exercise everyday, practice daily meditation, mindfulness, Unconditional Love to myself and I started feeling not lonely anymore but I am just Alone but never lonely I feel content with myself. I don't feel the need of wanting Love from anyone.