Suicidal Thoughts

Suicidal Thoughts visit again.

Want to Quit 

Want to go back to being formless

Want to be atom and not human

Emotions that can't express with people around me. 

They emotions is allowed as they emotions is valid it should be express freely.

However my emotions is not allowed it's being ignore and not listen too. 

Did I do such things to them in the past. Is this pay back time I don't remember doing it 🤔 I want to remember so I can learn and not get tired of such treatment accept the truth that my emotions will never be validated. Only I can validate my own emotions. 

I am so tried, I want to cry out the pain and go numb then go quiet 🤫 and want everyone to just leave me alone. 

Do they see me as genie in the lamp making wishes and telling me they desire. Why not make themselves I am just normal human being I have no power to make anyone wish comes true. Is being wife to always fulfill others wishes don't I have a wishes is my wish not value 😕 am I invisible is my voice not valid. 

Will they value me when I am gone, do I need to die so they can learn the lesson. Can't kill myself am too coward. Is there such things as free will, 🤔 I know the answer still I want to hear a voice that is so loud and warm that it's heal all my wound and I feel loved again. Why isn't my own love not enough. Being an angel is not easy have to constantly face others demon and stand up for self and others. 

My only wish was to be able to be myself and no one telling me to be something I am not.